To put it simply, today is not a good day. It’s only 1 p.m. but I’m just going to go ahead and guess that it’s going to be an all around sucky day. I don’t want to go into it too much because I had never intended for this blog to be serious, and I know I’m more likeable when I’m witty and clever..err when I think I’m witty and clever.
But to give you an example of how this day is going I can tell you that I’m sick, forgot to order my cap and gown and just got a very unsettling email from my advisor. I know everything will work out (except for the cap and gown thing, it’s going to break my mother’s heart) but I still want to take out my “today is sucky and I need to be mean and sarcastic” on somebody.
And who is that lucky somebody, you ask?
Congratulations guy sitting across from me in the computer lab, you are the chosen winner! I’m going to do this in list form, because lists make me happy and I need a little happy right now. You probably don’t deserve this but I’m not concerned with that right now. Let’s start, shall we?
1. I knew you would be trouble when you sat down at the computer across from me and started up a conversation with the person next to me. I get that not everybody can stand to keep their mouth shut for more than 10 minutes at a time but at what point did you decide you needed to talk over four people (who are quietly doing their work) to ask this girl (who I don’t think even liked you) what she was doing before this. And then to tell her you just got out of a test. Hi, newsflash: this is college. We all have tests, not everybody has to know about it.
2. Computer labs are provided for students who do not have access to a computer (read: laptops) but need to either get work done or kill time between class. If you have a working laptop this lab was not meant for you. The fact that you have your laptop opened right next to the computer you sat at means you have a working laptop. This means you are using a computer that somebody else might really need AND your laptop. This means somebody might come in here needing to print out a paper but won’t find an open computer. This means I might have to leave before you becase all I”m doing is updating my blog. This means you, sir, are a douche.
3. You are, at this moment, studying out loud. I know you have another test today because you told the girl next to me (and about five other people) that you have another test today. Studying is important, I get that. I am the queen of cramming before a test. But here’s the difference between you and me, I don’t open my stupid mouth when I’m studying. I don’t quiz myself OUT LOUD in a quiet computer lab when I’m studying. I look at my shit, memorize it (or not..mostly not), say a little prayer and go on my way. I don’t care if this test determines whether or not you are going to graduate, you either stop talking or go outside. Maybe you’ll find another little “out loud studier” and you can be best friends and you can tell him all about the civil war (yes, I know what you’re studying because you’re basically TELLING ME) and then he can tell you all about the anatomy of idiots like you.
4. The entire row of people near us have been giving you the stink eye for at least 20 minutes and I know you are aware. The fact that you know we hate you and still sit there and babble about history makes you even more annoying and hate-able.
5. Please go away before I throw up on you.