1. Sometimes the only reason I go to the gym is so I can wear all the workout clothes I insist on buying. Mainly because they’re comfortable and provide another excuse for me to not wear real pants.
2. I hate looking at myself when I’m working out and will go out of my way to find a machine that is not near a mirror. The only thing worse than feeling like you’re going to throw up on a treadmill is looking over and realizing you look like you’re going to throw up on a treadmill.
3. I listen to Pandora while at the gym because my iPod hates me. However, in the past month I’ve become kind of picky about what machines get what stations. Ready for this?
- Treadmill-Justin Bieber station
- Elliptical-Lil Wayne station
- Bike-Taylor Swift station
I haven’t quite figured out why this works, but I’m sticking to it for now. However, if I’m using the weight machines, I can listen to whatever. I’m too focused on not looking like a fool in front of the cute trainers to care what I’m listening to.
4. I steal glances at the people around me to see what speed and/or level they’re on. Then I try to match it. I’d be completely screwed if a professional athlete wandered onto the treadmill next to me.
5. I prefer to workout in the evening, around 6. This is because the most people are there at that time and I’m more motivated to work harder.
6. Also, the cute trainers are all there around that time. I’m horrible.
7. If I have to close at work, I go in the morning. A lot of elderly people workout at that time and I’m seriously convinced they’re all trying to show me up.
8. If I’m going to watch TV while at the gym, it has to be ESPN or some sort of game. Once (a million years ago) I stayed at the gym for over three hours because I was watching a tennis match and refused to leave until it was finished.
9. Oh wait, I lied. Sometimes I watch the food network if the person in front of me has it on their little mini treadmill-TV.
10. I smile at everybody who walks past me, and rarely get a smile back. Sorry, I didn’t know I was required to be rude at the gym. Do bitch classes come included in my monthly payment?
Bonus fun fact: I can’t text and ellipticize (not a word, I know) at the same time because once I fell off the machine doing so. No joke.