1. I really do think every Taylor Swift song was written about me. Even the ones that don’t actually pertain to my life. Those were still written about me.
2. I hate when girls are all like “Man, I’m totally like Carrie (from SATC)! My life is just like hers!” One, she’s a fictional character. Two, she’s CRAZY (watching seasons one and two if you need a crazy-Carrie refresher). Three, she would never have been able to afford all those shoes, clothes and brunches and her apartment on a “writers” salary. Four, I totally wish I was her.
3. I don’t drink because I’m single. I drink because drinks are delicious. Just thought I should clear that up.
4. Whenever people find out that I’ve never had a serious boyfriend, or a real relationship they act all surprised first and then say something along the lines of “Well you’re lucky. Relationships are ridiculous, I kind of wish I had held off until I was ready blah blah blah.” Let’s be honest, you guys are all glad you’re in the “loved and lost” group and not my “not loved and lost in a bag of gummy bears and Meg Ryan rom-com marathon” group.
5. On that note, I don’t watch You’ve Got Mail every week because I’m single. I watch it because it truly is the greatest movie ever made. I will always stand by that decision, even if others say it was the worst piece of crap they’ve ever seen. If I could hold my own Academy Awards, Tom Hanks would win EVERYTHING.
6. The above statement might be a reason why I’m single. I’m okay with this.
7. The only time I don’t like being single is when I go to my aunt’s house for lunch and she mentions that her friend’s son “happens to be in town” so she “just invited him over for lunch” and then afterwards I call my mom and she asks me “so did you meet anybody new and interesting today” and I realize she was totally in on it, even though she was on a DIFFERENT CONTINENT.
8. Another time I don’t like being single is when I’m baking. Baking for your friends just isn’t the same as baking for a “special friend.”
9. I just used the term “special friend.” Another reason why I’m single?
10. The other times (when I’m not secretly being set-up by my sneaky ninja mom and aunt or baking) I like being single. I really do! I know you all think I’m lying, and obviously I won’t stay single forever because “I like being single”, but my life is pretty good and I’d feel like such a tool if I went around complaining because I didn’t have a boy to bake cookies for, you know?
Bonus Confession: I (not so) secretly wish someone would hit on me at the grocery store just so I could have a story to tell about being hit on at the grocery store. I’m terrible. But seriously, where do the boys hang out at the store?